Jokes

Random joke generator

Punchline hidden until you tap, so you can read it out loud and deliver it properly.

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Dad jokes (28)

  1. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
  2. Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
  3. I used to hate facial hair. But then it grew on me.
  4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  6. I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
  7. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
  8. Why can't you trust stairs? They're always up to something.
  9. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
  10. What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
  11. How do you organise a space party? You planet.
  12. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  13. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.
  14. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
  16. What's brown and sticky? A stick.
  17. I would tell you a construction joke. But I'm still working on it.
  18. Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
  19. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
  20. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
  21. Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two tired.
  22. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  23. I don't trust people who do acupuncture. They're back stabbers.
  24. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
  25. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of trousers? In case he got a hole in one.
  26. What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
  27. I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  28. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

Jokes for kids (26)

  1. What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
  2. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because she was stuffed.
  3. What do elves learn at school? The elf-abet.
  4. Why are fish so smart? They live in schools.
  5. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
  6. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
  7. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It was feeling crummy.
  8. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  9. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.
  10. What's a cat's favourite colour? Purr-ple.
  11. Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
  12. What do you call a train carrying bubblegum? A chew-chew train.
  13. What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A bronto-snorus.
  14. Why can't a leopard hide? Because it's always spotted.
  15. What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
  16. How do bees get to school? On the school buzz.
  17. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
  18. Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well.
  19. Where do pencils go on holiday? Pennsylvania.
  20. Why was the maths book sad? It had too many problems.
  21. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  22. What's a ghost's favourite dessert? I scream.
  23. What did one plate say to the other? Dinner is on me.
  24. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
  25. What animal is always at a baseball game? A bat.
  26. How does the Moon cut its hair? Eclipse it.

Knock knock jokes (24)

  1. Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it's cold out here!
  2. Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's only a joke!
  3. Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrupting cow who? Moo! (Say it before they finish asking "who?")
  4. Knock knock. Who's there? Tank. Tank who? You're welcome!
  5. Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you, and I miss you!
  6. Knock knock. Who's there? Cow says. Cow says who? No, a cow says moo!
  7. Knock knock. Who's there? Atch. Atch who? Bless you!
  8. Knock knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
  9. Knock knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? (Repeat three times, then:) Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
  10. Knock knock. Who's there? Hawaii. Hawaii who? I'm fine, Hawaii you?
  11. Knock knock. Who's there? Lena. Lena who? Lena a little closer and I'll tell you!
  12. Knock knock. Who's there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
  13. Knock knock. Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up, it's cold out here!
  14. Knock knock. Who's there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream if you don't let me in!
  15. Knock knock. Who's there? Annie. Annie who? Annie thing you can do, I can do better!
  16. Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police, open up!
  17. Knock knock. Who's there? Nobel. Nobel who? No bell, that's why I knocked!
  18. Knock knock. Who's there? Iva. Iva who? Iva sore hand from knocking!
  19. Knock knock. Who's there? Figs. Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken!
  20. Knock knock. Who's there? Kanga. Kanga who? No, kangaroo!
  21. Knock knock. Who's there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you load the car!
  22. Knock knock. Who's there? Water. Water who? Water you doing in my house?
  23. Knock knock. Who's there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and open the door!
  24. Knock knock. Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time for dinner!

Cheesy pickup lines (24)

  1. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears.
  2. Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.
  3. Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're Cu-Te.
  4. Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a connection.
  5. Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you.
  6. Do you like science? Because we've got great chemistry.
  7. Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.
  8. If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
  9. Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest.
  10. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past again?
  11. Are you French? Because Eiffel for you.
  12. Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
  13. I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you.
  14. Are you a keyboard? Because you're just my type.
  15. Are you a time traveller? Because I can see you in my future.
  16. Do you have a name, or can I call you mine?
  17. Are you a dictionary? Because you add meaning to my life.
  18. If you were a fruit, you'd be a fine-apple.
  19. Are you a cat? Because you're purr-fect.
  20. I'm not a photographer, but I can picture us together.
  21. Are you a broom? Because you just swept me off my feet.
  22. Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart.
  23. Is your dad a boxer? Because you're a knockout.
  24. Are you a loan from the library? Because I'm checking you out.

Just for fun. Our games, results and the lie detector are entertainment: they can't read minds or detect lies. Facts are checked against the sources shown; if you spot a mistake, tell us. Full disclaimer